Tender Moments

I need more time. I only have approximately 12 hours a day to do some good for my kids and for some reason that has really hit me hard as of late. That is just not enough time. Just when I think I have learned to slow down enough to fully savor EVERY single moment with my kids I really haven't.

I recently was recounting the time right after the boys were born to a friend. As much as the whole experience is a blur, I still remember the permanent imprint that was left on my heart because of the sweet spirit that was in our home. It is so interesting that in times of trial you can make it through only to come away remembering that it was some of the best parts of life. I can not describe the sweet feeling in out home other than saying it felt like a big protective bubble was placed around our home. It really felt like angels were protecting our home. Yes and some of those angels came in the form of real life people who came to serve out family. I even remember waking one night to hearing sweet Jamie singing ever so softly to my boys as she got through the 2am feeding which often took between 1 and 2 hours to complete. When I finally healed up enough and had the catheter removed 2 months after the boys were born I took over those 2am feedings. I was given so much strength to not only make it through all of the broken up sleep but to really enjoy all of those quiet moments with those heaven sent little miracle babies. I am so grateful for all of the tender moments I was blessed with. I need to recount these moments more often.

good enough

One of my kids goes to the beat of his own drum and I love how I sort of captured that on my camera. He's kind of off doing his own business while everyone else is hanging out...like pushing a stroller like a crazy man all around the field. For us this field is sort of magical because whenever we go on walks the kids get out and have to pick the dandelions or just run around chasing each other and it is a great time to stop and observe these sweet children in action. I will forever have images of their laughs, happiness, and sunshine on their little bodies ingrained upon my memory all courtesy of this field.

********

I went to parent teacher conference yesterday to talk with the girls teacher. Right after I walked in I apologized to the teacher for getting the times mixed up and subsequently arriving a little late. She just looked at me and said, "I just don't know how you even do it". I almost started to cry because on the way over my heart felt heavy with the thoughts that I wasn't doing a good enough job. I maintained but told Mrs. Stradling that I could certainly be doing things to improve. She just looked at me and said, "Don't beat yourself up because you are doing a great job". I wonder why that is such a constant battle with so many Moms. What is good enough anyway?

********

Today I decided that good enough would mean that even though the house was a mess that I would take the time to at least go for a walk with the boys while the girls were away. No errands, no naps but just some good old fashioned play time. I then decided that I am good enough at something and that something was liking to be with my kids. Sometimes that is what matters most...your kids knowing that you like to be with them. From here on out I mostly focusing on the things that I am good at and hoping that only those quick glances at what I am not good enough at will be just enough to make me want to keep getting better without being so darn hard on myself.

NOTE: Lately the boys have been obsessed with their boots and they are not taking their mattress off their bed as much as they used to.

get on with your bad self

Well then there is Wells..

He came a titch on the stubborn side.

Some may call him a whiner.

But I can tolerate him more than others during his rough moments.

Bless his heart.

Yesterday Wells was not a very happy young man and wanted to make that fact known. As we finally got in the car to pick up the girls from school he fell asleep so I took the opportunity to call "Eliza Sissy Girl". We hadn't got too far when he woke up. The conversation went as followed:

"Wellsie do you want some chicken nuggets?"

Reached back and handed him the box.

"Don't throw them Wellsie."

"No-ooo"

"Don't you throw them."

"Aarr"

Then under my breath forgetting I was on the phone I continued with, "Okay I am just going to pick these up and then get on with my bad self."

Eliza laughed and then I laughed because I realized how I probably must have just sounded. The thing about is was I was serious. You see I promised myself that morning I would not loose my cool. I prayed for extra patience. I actually pray for that many times a day. Sometimes it works and sometimes not so much. Always happy for another chance and another day.

Today when Wellsie was a wailing, I busted the camera out and took a picture of him in action. It made him wail some more but I didn't want to forget that moment so I continued to take more photos. One thing led to another and the next thing I found was a little boy in my arms after he said, "Hold me Momma".

We then had ourselves a little photo shoot.

We were friends again.

I love that little boy in all of his whiney glory.

soggy cooking

Today Maile said in a very serious voice, "Mom I still like your cooking even if it is good & soggy"...referring to the cookies.

Hopefully there is still hope for my cooking @ dinnertime tonight.

sunglasses {girls trip to Forks}

I saw the above picture of sunglasses and it made me think about my Mom and sisters. You see we have always had a thing for crazy glasses and when we were traveling to Victoria, B.C. a few months ago we were in need of a couple pair to assist us in our scooter ride because some of the party left theirs behind. Well nothing a little walk to a mall kiosk couldn't do to help us on our endeavors for fun, inexpensive & disposable eyewear. We were laughing so hard at Mom's huge pink glasses but that's what made it even the more entertaining. Everywhere we cruised on our scooters, there was Mom with a helmet and HUGE pink glasses glaring out. The above picture of the 1946 Vogue cover with the glasses then made me think about our boat ride over to Port Angeles as we were making our way back to Oregon. My sister candidly snapped away capturing life in action (in a previous day in college she studied photo journalism). Our little Twilight adventure was about to unfold as we first landed at the port and headed straight to Bella Italiano to partake in the mushroom ravioli (which by the way has been there before the book was written). It was getting dark and with the prospect of an hour drive in front of us we did not fret that there was not a hotel reservation to stay in Forks. After all it was off-season so why would there not be any vacancies. Forks is not exactly a big town but as the night unfolded we soon found out that ever since Stephanie Meyer came to town the lodging industry has been booming...no rooms were available that night....except one little cabin down a dirt road next to the drunken hunters. Oh don't think the hunters weren't nice or anything and didn't invite us to feast upon their words, I mean grub that they had just slayed...we passed. After slumbering through the night with a stuffed bobcat staring down at us, we awoke to find a very overcast day in the Washington forest. It certainly made for a perfect setting to have vampires thrive. So far this place looked exactly how I envisioned it would look after reading the first book (it only took one book for me to give up on the series). Whether one is a fan of Twilight or not Ms. Meyers did a great job of surveying the land and then bringing the story to life. The town has also seemed to embrace its new found fame. I mean seriously, a parking space @ the hospital for Dr. Cullen. Oh and don't worry the town also mocks all of these tourists that come on a hunt in hopes to find Edward or Jacob because we observed it first hand. Our final stop took us to the cliffs and beaches at La Push. We enjoyed the scenery as the sun came out for a nice walk along the shoreline.

A quick synopsis would lead me to end in saying that if you ever decide to go to Forks, DO NOT go alone, for many many reasons..but mostly because it wouldn't be as fun;-). I also predict that there will come a day that the busloads of crazed woman coming to town will start to dwindle as pop culture hops on a different mode of transportation that just may not include vampires anymore. What will that next craze include? I can't wait to find out. Only one request would be that it would be something I could actually get me teeth into...dun dun dum. No seriously I want something that would keep me interested in enough to read the whole series.

P.S. - If you live in the Portland area and see my sisters feel free to give them big hugs..they won't think you are weird or anything. Just tell them that I sent you. My one sister in the denim shirt just had a baby come out of her belly..cute little Anna.